I went through a devastating break-up a few years ago and wrote my way through it. That album, 3 AM, comes out June 10, 2016. This series is about how I got through that break up and the songs that came out of it. If you’re somewhere in the middle, hope this helps. Chin up.
““I think I’m angry….is that ok?””
That was me on the phone with my therapist a few days after the bomb dropped. The dust had settled, the initial shock had worn off and suddenly something welled up inside me like “wait just a fucking minute….oh HELL no.” Since anger is not something that had ever come naturally to me, I wasn’t sure what to think. Hence the call to my therapist, who laughed heartily and said “Yes – you should be angry right now. It’s healthy and appropriate. If you weren’t angry I’d be worried.” So I ran with it.
Remember that “screamy nonsense” in the journal I talked about a few posts ago? Boy did I let it rip. Sometimes you just gotta yell at somebody, even if it’s just on paper. And sometimes it rhymes and has a backbeat. And sometimes that’s what you need to find your backbone a little.
“Pain is an open wound and anger is like armor to protect that for a while.”
It’s not where you want to stay forever, but it has its role in the healing process. You need to give your anger it’s due time.
Things not to do: Drunk text. Facebook smear campaign. Egg house. Slash tires. Anything that might get you arrested.
Things TO do: Go for a run. Some kind of workout with lots of kicking and punching…and yell like a Cross Fitter while you’re at it. Let it rip in your journal. (OK to yell like a Cross Fitter while you’re doing that too – I certainly have.) Vent with good friends. Make some art! All is fair in the creation thereof. Pour a whiskey (or your bev of choice), crank up your favorite “fuck you for hurting me/you’ll get yours someday” song and sing along at the top of your lungs. Don’t have one? I can hook you up. Which reminds me of another TO do: dance party!
“You can cross me off your list
Sign the paper, close the file
Don’t think twice of what you missed
Baby ain’t you riding high
Run hard as you can but there ain’t nowhere to hide
Love’s gonna haunt you on the inside”
Once he heard in my voice that I’d found my armor, my father said: “Looks like my daughter’s gonna get her Irish up.” Damn straight. Be grateful for your anger – it means your self-preservation mechanism is intact.
If you're needing that “fuck you for hurting me/you’ll get yours someday” song, here's a live version of "On the Inside" below. (Grab the record for the full band rock-out version!) Like what you're reading? Sign up and let me blow up your inbox weekly.
-Chin up.
Kira
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