I went through a devastating break-up a few years ago and wrote my way through it. That album, 3 AM, comes out June 10, 2016. This series is about how I got through that break up and the songs that came out of it. If you’re somewhere in the middle, hope this helps. Chin up.
Break-up stage 1: the rug you were standing on has just been pulled out from under you. As you’re tumbling toward the floor, you think: “What the fuck just happened? Who are you and what have you done with my person?”
“I’m looking in your eyes, but I don’t recognize
Who’s telling me goodbye”
Feeling unwanted bites the big one. I know. Been there. It’s easy to feel lied to when the rug gets yanked. “You said you loved me and would never leave. Now you’re leaving?? WTF??” People change sometimes. Sometimes that really sucks, especially when it feels like there’s a canyon-sized contradiction between someone’s words and their actions. Sometimes what feels needed and healthy for one person feels like a kick in the gut to their used-to-be-significant-but-not-so-much-anymore-actually other. I’ve been on both sides, neither is a day at Disneyland.
The truth changes too, which sounds whack, but let’s talk about that. Truth can be subjective. It probably started something like this:
Person A: “I love you and I want to be with you.”
Person B: “I love you and I want to be with you too.”
Each thing is true for each person, they just happen to match.
*cue butterflies, rainbows*
Then something changes.
Person A: “I love you and I want to be with you.”
Person B: “I want something else.”
Again, each thing is true for each person, respectively, but they no longer match. This is the sucky part.
*cue exit, tears, whiskey, break-up songs*
That leaves us – “Person A”, given the perspective of this blog - to deal with the objective truth of the situation, which is: “Person B” has left the building. That was the choice they made. We can resist it, be mad at it, be hurt by it, assign blame for it, throw rocks at it, write songs about it….but the facts is the facts. Hurts like a mofo – I know. Like I said before, feeling unwanted is a shitty thing. But if someone chooses to leave your life, maybe it’s for the best. Do you really want someone in your life who doesn’t want to be there?? Be grateful for the truth – both objective (this is what’s so) and subjective (this is where I am with what’s so) – at least you know where you stand. Maybe that rug wasn’t all it was cracked up to be after all…?
Hang in there. It gets better. I promise.
Have you had some painful truth surprise you that you were grateful for later? Tell me about it in the comments section below!